Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
According to a recent study done by one of the useless research agencies - which by the way, have no other useful thing to do but to observe things and prepare a two page document on it - a milieu where a group of people per 10 square meter are always seen sad is a transport carrying IT professionals in the wee hours of the day to their respective work place. Seriously, if you want to see a saddest bunch of buggers together, board a company bus or a shuttle as it is better known as in IT world.
Each of these buggers is a character in itself. They have their own way showing off the moron in them. Being the Greatest Man Alive, I had something to say and that’s when I decided to do some analysis and come up with my own research paper on it. So if you have never travelled by a company shuttle or in case if you have and want to relate to the morons, below are the type of sad buggers:
The Yak’kers
The quality of a Yak’ker is measured by the number of words he/she speaks per 5 minutes. A moderate Yak’ker speaks around 5000 to 6000 words per 5 minutes depending on the topic. A benchmark is yet to be set for Extreme Yak’kers, the only thing I know about them is, they sometimes take a break of 1 or 2 milliseconds just to breathe. The problem with this breed is that they always have a topic to Yak about. They also have a lot of questions. Just the other day, one of the Yak’kers wanted to know why the sea is moving into the land on the west side of India and why it is moving away from the east. He wanted to know, he was determined. I tried a couple of answers but he was inconvincible, I even told him “Probably the trajectory of the earth might have tilted a bit towards the right and that’s why the water is moving in on the west and going away from the east”. But he didn’t buy that shit. It’s too hard to deal with these kinda people. Sometimes even Google isn't good enough for these bunch of buggers.
But even after all the yakking, they still look sad.
The Readers
There are two types of readers – Newspaper readers and Novel readers. Newspaper readers always read the newspaper twice, back to front and front to back or vice versa. I never really understood the reason behind doing this, but I had to convince myself somehow, so I started assuming that either they are too unsure of what they read and they had to make sure about it or they are hired by the newspaper company to count the number of words. There is nothing much to talk about the Novel readers, every time I see, they are on the same page.
But even after all the reading and pretending, they still look sad.
The Dogs
Dogs are the bunch of buggers who stick their head out of the window and look at every girl on the way with their tongues hanging low from the window till the road below. Not even a single woman is missed.
But even after all the drooling, they still look sad.
The Sleepers
Suddenly you realize that the floor of the bus is kind of wet, and what do you know? It’s the river of saliva flowing out of some sleeping bugger’s mouth. How can somebody sleep like this in middle of the rock music played by the every lose part of the bus? They always have to be woken up by someone on the arrival, using a tool like newspaper or something else, so that you don't get your hands dirty with the saliva all over their body. And the reaction of their's upon being woken up is a visual treat, they act as if they have been brought to Mars instead of office and they look at the person waking them up as if they were an alien with two heads and 6 eyes.
But even after all the sleeping, they still look sad.
The Women
Women are the most diversified bunch of buggers. There are women who wear 57 layers of make-up and as soon as they enter the bus they look at every one just to make sure they are watching her back, but in most of the cases, they are not, except the Dogs that is. There are women who listen to iPod and sit as if they were asked not to move a bit as long as they are in the bus, they just keep looking in the same direction until they arrive. Then there are women who are always pregnant, they are seen only for 3-4 months in a year, rest of the time, they are busy making babies.
But even after all the diversification, they still look sad.
The Route coordinators
Route coordinators are like Chief Ministers, but instead of governing a state, they govern the people of the bus. They know everything about everything going on in and around the bus. They are always the first ones to board the bus and they always occupy the first row in front of the entrance of the bus where they can see all the other buggers coming in. They always keep track of time, they know at what time the bus will hit a particular signal or a tree or a hump or a light pole or a pothole or a beautiful girl waiting at some bus stand. 30 seconds difference and the driver get the brunt. Mostly because he missed seeing that girl. Being empowered they have right to speak to anyone, most importantly women. They also have their own way of greeting people, when a guy boards the bus, they say “Good Morning” and when it’s a girl the tone changes it’s a long “Haiiiiiiiii”. WTF?
But even after all the coordination, they still look sad.
Me
As far as I’m concerned, I watch all this drama. I do a little bit of everything.
But even after doing a little bit of everything, I still look sad.
But you know what the funniest part of the whole commotion is? When the band of these sad buggers arrive to the campus, the ones sitting at the last get out first. Its a mad rush. They want to get out of there as soon as possible. Everyday I wonder, if they were so eager to come to the office and start working ASAP, why the fuck were they sad all along the ride?
