Saturday, June 12, 2010
Cherish the small things in life
We let go off a lot of small things in life in anticipation of a big one. But let me tell you the fact, that one "big thing" is never going to happen ..convince yourself. Someday you'll wake up and you'll be 60, and you'll realize that all those small things put together made the one big life you lived!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A moron's way of doing business: M-Way!
Time has changed. So has perverts. Men, you beware. Next time, while sitting alone in a restaurant or a bar or some eating joint, if a guy comes in and shares the table with you, and if he tries to start a conversation by asking some stupid question, remember, he is not gay. Or standing at a bus stop, if some guy asks you an address of a building right in front of you, he is not gay. Or walking down the road, if some guy approaches you and ask you whether he had seen you in cafeteria at work, he is not gay. True, they want to start a conversation, but still, they are not gay. They are most probably from M-Way and they want you to join their “business”. Yes you read it right, M-Way! You know what I mean? Time has really changed. Now M-Way is called a Business! If you want to know more about M-Way, read on.
Let me first enlighten you about this company. I really admire the founders of this company; they had so carefully chosen the name M-Way. M-Way is short for Moron’s-Way. A Moron’s-Way of doing “business”. Their idea of business is very simple, find as many morons as you can and ask them to find other set morons like them and ask the other set of morons to find some other morons to find other morons, and collectively as a battalion of morons sell the suck-ass products of the company to the left out morons. Also, their products are a creation of a genius in suck-ass category. If you have perfectly white teeth and if you feel something is missing, use their toothpaste, it will give you a plaque you never had and always missed. The ability of getting a bad breath is not included in the cost of the toothpaste, according to them its a value-add feature. If you are too thin or too fat, use their protein powder. It makes thin people fat and fat people thin. What the fuck? But don’t use that powder if you have a perfect body, nobody knows what happens next, not even the company or the genius who invented the super-power powder. I heard they grow an extra pair of legs or in some cases, a tail. I had once written a letter to them asking for a clarification and in response they said “No such cases have been reported as yet. And should the rumors be true, you must know that our genius scientists have already started working on a product which would help you grow an extra pair of hands just so that you don’t feel awkward having four legs and two hands”. Although he didn’t mention anything about the tail, I assume they would come up with some product which would make a monkey out of you. But I totally bought the shit they had mentioned in the response of my letter. I mean, what more could you expect from a company who depends on morons for the revenues? They also have other such products which do exactly opposite from what it is supposed to do in a perfect manner. But please don’t try it at home.
In India, this concept had been launched some 20 years back. But unfortunately it did not click until recently. Not that they couldn’t find enough morons, we have ample supply here, but that’s not the point. When I did the analysis, I figured that their initial strategy was completely wrong. Their initial strategy was to target housewife and grief-stricken-financially-broken morons. But it took them 20 years to figure that when Indian housewives go to sell these products, they end up discussing about their neighbor’s aunt’s sister-in-law’s aunt’s neighbor’s daughter who got only 54 marks in her physics test, rather than actually marketing and lying about the products they had come to sell. It took them 20 years to figure that nobody in this wonderful country would believe a financially broken person coming to them for marketing a so-called “Business plan”.
But finally, they got it all figured out. They decided to leave the housewives and poor on their own and target the educated morons. And it worked! It was perfect bait. Everybody in this country wants to become rich, especially the educated ones. And the concept became an instant hit among the educated morons, they were just happy to do something which was termed, wonderfully by the company jerk-offs, as Business. This battalion of educated morons comes from a wide variety of professions and background - Engineers, Doctors, IT professionals, IIT and IIM grads and so on. But overall they fall under a single category – Losers!
Like I said before, it all starts with some guy, gay or not gay, trying to make a conversation with you. Losers! If you fall prey to them and get involved in a conversation, at the end of it, they’ll ask for your number. Perverts! If you give them your number, they’ll call you after a day or two to tell you that they have been involved in some great business and they would like to share some information with you. Losers! If you agree to listen to them, they would take you to a meeting where you’ll find two sets of morons – the ones which have already fallen prey and others who are about to. Morons! Then they introduce you to the other morons from wide variety of professions and background I mentioned before. Just to make you realize that it’s more important to be a moron in life than to do what you have been doing professionally. Morons! And after all this, they try to convince you that M-Way is actually a business and not a job of a salesman selling some suck-ass product of a suck-ass company. LOSERS!!
But if you are a gay, then join M-Way. Who knows? You might end up getting a date for yourself.
Again, LOSERS!!!!
Let me first enlighten you about this company. I really admire the founders of this company; they had so carefully chosen the name M-Way. M-Way is short for Moron’s-Way. A Moron’s-Way of doing “business”. Their idea of business is very simple, find as many morons as you can and ask them to find other set morons like them and ask the other set of morons to find some other morons to find other morons, and collectively as a battalion of morons sell the suck-ass products of the company to the left out morons. Also, their products are a creation of a genius in suck-ass category. If you have perfectly white teeth and if you feel something is missing, use their toothpaste, it will give you a plaque you never had and always missed. The ability of getting a bad breath is not included in the cost of the toothpaste, according to them its a value-add feature. If you are too thin or too fat, use their protein powder. It makes thin people fat and fat people thin. What the fuck? But don’t use that powder if you have a perfect body, nobody knows what happens next, not even the company or the genius who invented the super-power powder. I heard they grow an extra pair of legs or in some cases, a tail. I had once written a letter to them asking for a clarification and in response they said “No such cases have been reported as yet. And should the rumors be true, you must know that our genius scientists have already started working on a product which would help you grow an extra pair of hands just so that you don’t feel awkward having four legs and two hands”. Although he didn’t mention anything about the tail, I assume they would come up with some product which would make a monkey out of you. But I totally bought the shit they had mentioned in the response of my letter. I mean, what more could you expect from a company who depends on morons for the revenues? They also have other such products which do exactly opposite from what it is supposed to do in a perfect manner. But please don’t try it at home.
In India, this concept had been launched some 20 years back. But unfortunately it did not click until recently. Not that they couldn’t find enough morons, we have ample supply here, but that’s not the point. When I did the analysis, I figured that their initial strategy was completely wrong. Their initial strategy was to target housewife and grief-stricken-financially-broken morons. But it took them 20 years to figure that when Indian housewives go to sell these products, they end up discussing about their neighbor’s aunt’s sister-in-law’s aunt’s neighbor’s daughter who got only 54 marks in her physics test, rather than actually marketing and lying about the products they had come to sell. It took them 20 years to figure that nobody in this wonderful country would believe a financially broken person coming to them for marketing a so-called “Business plan”.
But finally, they got it all figured out. They decided to leave the housewives and poor on their own and target the educated morons. And it worked! It was perfect bait. Everybody in this country wants to become rich, especially the educated ones. And the concept became an instant hit among the educated morons, they were just happy to do something which was termed, wonderfully by the company jerk-offs, as Business. This battalion of educated morons comes from a wide variety of professions and background - Engineers, Doctors, IT professionals, IIT and IIM grads and so on. But overall they fall under a single category – Losers!
Like I said before, it all starts with some guy, gay or not gay, trying to make a conversation with you. Losers! If you fall prey to them and get involved in a conversation, at the end of it, they’ll ask for your number. Perverts! If you give them your number, they’ll call you after a day or two to tell you that they have been involved in some great business and they would like to share some information with you. Losers! If you agree to listen to them, they would take you to a meeting where you’ll find two sets of morons – the ones which have already fallen prey and others who are about to. Morons! Then they introduce you to the other morons from wide variety of professions and background I mentioned before. Just to make you realize that it’s more important to be a moron in life than to do what you have been doing professionally. Morons! And after all this, they try to convince you that M-Way is actually a business and not a job of a salesman selling some suck-ass product of a suck-ass company. LOSERS!!
But if you are a gay, then join M-Way. Who knows? You might end up getting a date for yourself.
Again, LOSERS!!!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thank you!
Everyday, life throws one asshole at you, or more. I say, one asshole at a time please. The reason God created assholes is that he wants you to excel at people management skills. Trust me on this one. But my advice to you all, don’t become one – Kush Zaveri
This blog is a special tribute to the Assholes out there.
Thank you. Thank you for being such assholes. It’s because of you assholes that I’ve come so far in life. I dedicate all my achievements in life to you guys. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for your hypocrisy. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for your sarcasm. Every time you tell me I can’t do something, makes me ascent to the next level. Every time you tell me I’m wrong, I start believing in myself, it helps me regain my self-confidence and strengthens my perception of you being an impeccable asshole. You always make me realize how great I am by putting forward your moronic views. The best part is it keeps both of us happy. You take proud of being such an asshole and I laugh at you for being so.
Thank you assholes!
This blog is a special tribute to the Assholes out there.
Thank you. Thank you for being such assholes. It’s because of you assholes that I’ve come so far in life. I dedicate all my achievements in life to you guys. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for your hypocrisy. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for your sarcasm. Every time you tell me I can’t do something, makes me ascent to the next level. Every time you tell me I’m wrong, I start believing in myself, it helps me regain my self-confidence and strengthens my perception of you being an impeccable asshole. You always make me realize how great I am by putting forward your moronic views. The best part is it keeps both of us happy. You take proud of being such an asshole and I laugh at you for being so.
Thank you assholes!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The saddest bunch of buggers
Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
According to a recent study done by one of the useless research agencies - which by the way, have no other useful thing to do but to observe things and prepare a two page document on it - a milieu where a group of people per 10 square meter are always seen sad is a transport carrying IT professionals in the wee hours of the day to their respective work place. Seriously, if you want to see a saddest bunch of buggers together, board a company bus or a shuttle as it is better known as in IT world.
Each of these buggers is a character in itself. They have their own way showing off the moron in them. Being the Greatest Man Alive, I had something to say and that’s when I decided to do some analysis and come up with my own research paper on it. So if you have never travelled by a company shuttle or in case if you have and want to relate to the morons, below are the type of sad buggers:
The Yak’kers
The quality of a Yak’ker is measured by the number of words he/she speaks per 5 minutes. A moderate Yak’ker speaks around 5000 to 6000 words per 5 minutes depending on the topic. A benchmark is yet to be set for Extreme Yak’kers, the only thing I know about them is, they sometimes take a break of 1 or 2 milliseconds just to breathe. The problem with this breed is that they always have a topic to Yak about. They also have a lot of questions. Just the other day, one of the Yak’kers wanted to know why the sea is moving into the land on the west side of India and why it is moving away from the east. He wanted to know, he was determined. I tried a couple of answers but he was inconvincible, I even told him “Probably the trajectory of the earth might have tilted a bit towards the right and that’s why the water is moving in on the west and going away from the east”. But he didn’t buy that shit. It’s too hard to deal with these kinda people. Sometimes even Google isn't good enough for these bunch of buggers.
But even after all the yakking, they still look sad.
The Readers
There are two types of readers – Newspaper readers and Novel readers. Newspaper readers always read the newspaper twice, back to front and front to back or vice versa. I never really understood the reason behind doing this, but I had to convince myself somehow, so I started assuming that either they are too unsure of what they read and they had to make sure about it or they are hired by the newspaper company to count the number of words. There is nothing much to talk about the Novel readers, every time I see, they are on the same page.
But even after all the reading and pretending, they still look sad.
The Dogs
Dogs are the bunch of buggers who stick their head out of the window and look at every girl on the way with their tongues hanging low from the window till the road below. Not even a single woman is missed.
But even after all the drooling, they still look sad.
The Sleepers
Suddenly you realize that the floor of the bus is kind of wet, and what do you know? It’s the river of saliva flowing out of some sleeping bugger’s mouth. How can somebody sleep like this in middle of the rock music played by the every lose part of the bus? They always have to be woken up by someone on the arrival, using a tool like newspaper or something else, so that you don't get your hands dirty with the saliva all over their body. And the reaction of their's upon being woken up is a visual treat, they act as if they have been brought to Mars instead of office and they look at the person waking them up as if they were an alien with two heads and 6 eyes.
But even after all the sleeping, they still look sad.
The Women
Women are the most diversified bunch of buggers. There are women who wear 57 layers of make-up and as soon as they enter the bus they look at every one just to make sure they are watching her back, but in most of the cases, they are not, except the Dogs that is. There are women who listen to iPod and sit as if they were asked not to move a bit as long as they are in the bus, they just keep looking in the same direction until they arrive. Then there are women who are always pregnant, they are seen only for 3-4 months in a year, rest of the time, they are busy making babies.
But even after all the diversification, they still look sad.
The Route coordinators
Route coordinators are like Chief Ministers, but instead of governing a state, they govern the people of the bus. They know everything about everything going on in and around the bus. They are always the first ones to board the bus and they always occupy the first row in front of the entrance of the bus where they can see all the other buggers coming in. They always keep track of time, they know at what time the bus will hit a particular signal or a tree or a hump or a light pole or a pothole or a beautiful girl waiting at some bus stand. 30 seconds difference and the driver get the brunt. Mostly because he missed seeing that girl. Being empowered they have right to speak to anyone, most importantly women. They also have their own way of greeting people, when a guy boards the bus, they say “Good Morning” and when it’s a girl the tone changes it’s a long “Haiiiiiiiii”. WTF?
But even after all the coordination, they still look sad.
Me
As far as I’m concerned, I watch all this drama. I do a little bit of everything.
But even after doing a little bit of everything, I still look sad.
But you know what the funniest part of the whole commotion is? When the band of these sad buggers arrive to the campus, the ones sitting at the last get out first. Its a mad rush. They want to get out of there as soon as possible. Everyday I wonder, if they were so eager to come to the office and start working ASAP, why the fuck were they sad all along the ride?
According to a recent study done by one of the useless research agencies - which by the way, have no other useful thing to do but to observe things and prepare a two page document on it - a milieu where a group of people per 10 square meter are always seen sad is a transport carrying IT professionals in the wee hours of the day to their respective work place. Seriously, if you want to see a saddest bunch of buggers together, board a company bus or a shuttle as it is better known as in IT world.
Each of these buggers is a character in itself. They have their own way showing off the moron in them. Being the Greatest Man Alive, I had something to say and that’s when I decided to do some analysis and come up with my own research paper on it. So if you have never travelled by a company shuttle or in case if you have and want to relate to the morons, below are the type of sad buggers:
The Yak’kers
The quality of a Yak’ker is measured by the number of words he/she speaks per 5 minutes. A moderate Yak’ker speaks around 5000 to 6000 words per 5 minutes depending on the topic. A benchmark is yet to be set for Extreme Yak’kers, the only thing I know about them is, they sometimes take a break of 1 or 2 milliseconds just to breathe. The problem with this breed is that they always have a topic to Yak about. They also have a lot of questions. Just the other day, one of the Yak’kers wanted to know why the sea is moving into the land on the west side of India and why it is moving away from the east. He wanted to know, he was determined. I tried a couple of answers but he was inconvincible, I even told him “Probably the trajectory of the earth might have tilted a bit towards the right and that’s why the water is moving in on the west and going away from the east”. But he didn’t buy that shit. It’s too hard to deal with these kinda people. Sometimes even Google isn't good enough for these bunch of buggers.
But even after all the yakking, they still look sad.
The Readers
There are two types of readers – Newspaper readers and Novel readers. Newspaper readers always read the newspaper twice, back to front and front to back or vice versa. I never really understood the reason behind doing this, but I had to convince myself somehow, so I started assuming that either they are too unsure of what they read and they had to make sure about it or they are hired by the newspaper company to count the number of words. There is nothing much to talk about the Novel readers, every time I see, they are on the same page.
But even after all the reading and pretending, they still look sad.
The Dogs
Dogs are the bunch of buggers who stick their head out of the window and look at every girl on the way with their tongues hanging low from the window till the road below. Not even a single woman is missed.
But even after all the drooling, they still look sad.
The Sleepers
Suddenly you realize that the floor of the bus is kind of wet, and what do you know? It’s the river of saliva flowing out of some sleeping bugger’s mouth. How can somebody sleep like this in middle of the rock music played by the every lose part of the bus? They always have to be woken up by someone on the arrival, using a tool like newspaper or something else, so that you don't get your hands dirty with the saliva all over their body. And the reaction of their's upon being woken up is a visual treat, they act as if they have been brought to Mars instead of office and they look at the person waking them up as if they were an alien with two heads and 6 eyes.
But even after all the sleeping, they still look sad.
The Women
Women are the most diversified bunch of buggers. There are women who wear 57 layers of make-up and as soon as they enter the bus they look at every one just to make sure they are watching her back, but in most of the cases, they are not, except the Dogs that is. There are women who listen to iPod and sit as if they were asked not to move a bit as long as they are in the bus, they just keep looking in the same direction until they arrive. Then there are women who are always pregnant, they are seen only for 3-4 months in a year, rest of the time, they are busy making babies.
But even after all the diversification, they still look sad.
The Route coordinators
Route coordinators are like Chief Ministers, but instead of governing a state, they govern the people of the bus. They know everything about everything going on in and around the bus. They are always the first ones to board the bus and they always occupy the first row in front of the entrance of the bus where they can see all the other buggers coming in. They always keep track of time, they know at what time the bus will hit a particular signal or a tree or a hump or a light pole or a pothole or a beautiful girl waiting at some bus stand. 30 seconds difference and the driver get the brunt. Mostly because he missed seeing that girl. Being empowered they have right to speak to anyone, most importantly women. They also have their own way of greeting people, when a guy boards the bus, they say “Good Morning” and when it’s a girl the tone changes it’s a long “Haiiiiiiiii”. WTF?
But even after all the coordination, they still look sad.
Me
As far as I’m concerned, I watch all this drama. I do a little bit of everything.
But even after doing a little bit of everything, I still look sad.
But you know what the funniest part of the whole commotion is? When the band of these sad buggers arrive to the campus, the ones sitting at the last get out first. Its a mad rush. They want to get out of there as soon as possible. Everyday I wonder, if they were so eager to come to the office and start working ASAP, why the fuck were they sad all along the ride?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A bug in my code
Somebody really screwed up my code before installing me in this world. Especially, when they scripted the "Karma" module. There is a severe bug in my whole system. I do believe in Karma, but when it comes to my life, it just doesn't seem to be so. The theory of Karma says that what you give is what you get. Do good and the good will come to you, do bad and the bad will surely come. Being the Greatest Man Alive, I had to decode this bug and find out the root cause of why this theory didn't work for me. So when my genius mind started to do so, it actually found the real error in the code. Here it is:
Somebody forgot to declare the “if(he does something good)” statement!! Where is the fuckin’ good part?
I tried, but even reboot didn’t help. I thought I’d have to live with this bug forever. That’s when the fighter in me came up with a patch of acceptance.
Somebody forgot to declare the “if(he does something good)” statement!! Where is the fuckin’ good part?
I tried, but even reboot didn’t help. I thought I’d have to live with this bug forever. That’s when the fighter in me came up with a patch of acceptance.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A confession
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I’ve committed the worst crime, I killed someone today. But I had to set myself free from his constant bedevilment and exasperation. I had to set myself free from his titillation which terrorized me in the middle of the night, after which I sat wide awake in abhorrence that he would return. All my unsuccessful pursuits in fear and anxiety, only to find him gone; disappear like a fart in the wind!
But today morning, he appeared. So ugly, so awful, so hideous and gross, it makes me throw-up. I could see the grotesque that he was. With my head held up high, I decided that today I would have my revenge. I would kill that bastard. He tried to deceive and elope upon seeing me, but not today. He just could not betray my murderous will. This was my chance, my day! I swallowed my fear and quickly gathered my weapons, the weapons of mass destruction – Hit and broom. I sprayed him dead. I stabbed him with the broom of mass destruction until his limbs stopped moving. I killed that Cockroach.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
But why do I feel he is still around?
But today morning, he appeared. So ugly, so awful, so hideous and gross, it makes me throw-up. I could see the grotesque that he was. With my head held up high, I decided that today I would have my revenge. I would kill that bastard. He tried to deceive and elope upon seeing me, but not today. He just could not betray my murderous will. This was my chance, my day! I swallowed my fear and quickly gathered my weapons, the weapons of mass destruction – Hit and broom. I sprayed him dead. I stabbed him with the broom of mass destruction until his limbs stopped moving. I killed that Cockroach.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
But why do I feel he is still around?
Monday, April 12, 2010
I'm ready to be served as lunch
Any cannibals around? Coz I'm ready to be served as lunch. I have had been baked at 38 degrees consistently throughout the night, so I'm well done now. Waste no time, order me now, before I get over-cooked... and yes, free home delivery and a bottle of cold drink of your choice!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A mistake
This time I made a big mistake selecting 'Man' in the Born-As field while filling up the form before taking birth. Huge mistake, I tell ya. "No Man, always remember; no Man!" I told myself.
Next time its going to be a beautiful Cow growing up on a dairy farm in Switzerland. All I'll have to do is, get high on green grass in midst of nature and occasionally give milk. And be proud when people say "hmm yummy cheese!"
Next time its going to be a beautiful Cow growing up on a dairy farm in Switzerland. All I'll have to do is, get high on green grass in midst of nature and occasionally give milk. And be proud when people say "hmm yummy cheese!"
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Its how we perceive it
Wether it is good or bad, right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, doable or undoable, positive or negative, love or hate, ethical or unethical, holy or unholy, me or you; at the end of the day, its how we perceive it!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Global Warming
Sometimes, I'm for Global Warming. Burn the oil I say, throw chemical waste everywhere, increase pollution, go nuclear... Let's bring an end to all this bullshit, let's start anew! Atleast for the first few lifetimes we'll be living in peace trying to figure out WTF is going on.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Take no shit
Take my advice if you want to succeed in life, don't put up with anybody's shit, don't be anybody's bitch, don't give a shit, and don't make anybody ur bitch!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
When your name is Hardik
Just saw some guy named Hardik reply to one of the friend's post on Facebook. So as usual the Writer in me had something to say, here it goes:
When your name is Hardik, you dont have to do anything to please anyone, especially women, just say your name and the they would go weak on their knees. Leave alone the men, they are always going to envy you!
Wow, what a name..
When your name is Hardik, you dont have to do anything to please anyone, especially women, just say your name and the they would go weak on their knees. Leave alone the men, they are always going to envy you!
Wow, what a name..
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Take me to some other place
There is too much cruetly in this world; take me to some other place, take me to a place where sanity is still not an endangered word, where sunshine and rain are still celebrated, where peace is the name of the game, take me to a place where I can be Human again!
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Big Picture
If you think I'm boring you or if this blog is too long, you are most welcome to fuck off right away!
God has not given me the ability to talk great, but I sure can pen it down. I'm no philosophical or inspirational or motivational dick, I just provide you a different perspective on life. It’s just that I do a ”self-check” from time to time to see how I'm doing in life and as a result I come up with my own fundamentals. I write because of my love for it and most importantly to show off how great I really am. You see, all the so called "motivational writers" wrote all those books only after they made it big in life. But who is addressing the "making-in" part? Enter Kush Zaveri. That’s where I come in; I’ll do that for you! Believe me, I’m not some NRI loser who cries foul over some other old loser selling his Ferrari. This is no "Secret" shit either; I wonder how high that bitch would have been when she came up that "Universe" bullshit. All that these guys ask us to do is think positive. Before I attained nirvana and became The Greatest Man Alive, I tried doing that, I thought all positive thoughts about every situation, and everytime to my disguise, the exact opposite happened. So that's when I decided, let's cut the crap, screw the gurus and write my own stuff.
So, anyway, coming to the subject; my boss always says “See the Big Picture”. I guess this is the most overused and over exploited statement in the corporate world today. Mostly used by a boss when he has no clue what he is talking about. So what is this big picture, anyway? Ever heard of Circle of Life? Watch the Discovery Channel, they show it all the time. I guess we Humans have forgotten this very fact of our existence. I’ll come to the reference of the Circle of Life part a little later. Let me first define The Big Picture for you; the big picture according to me is being happy in life. Every fucking soul on the face of this earth wants to be happy. We struggle everyday at whatever we do, but for what? To earn a better living, buy a house, buy a new car, to buy that expensive watch from that big ass mall? I’m sure these things make us happy, I’m Human too, but believe me, it’s all temporary. It takes no time for all these to become old, and make us unhappy all over again.
I know you’ll argue with me on this saying that the world wouldn’t have developed if it wasn’t for the urge of Humans to poses fancy things. My anwser to you on this is -I leave it up to you to decide!
The movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ gave us a very true message - maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. But deep down inside, the other part of me, tells me that to be happy, you have to spread happiness. It’s always give and take. It’s Karma – what goes around, comes around. But how do we do that with our ego, insecurities and selfishness coming in the way? It’s not rocket science, a simple thank you or a word of kindness sometimes does the job. Just the other day at office sitting in a conference room, in middle of a meeting, this guy comes in with the tea and I could sense the nervousness on his face. When he was finished, I smiled and said “Thank you” and then the entire expression on his face changed, he smiled back at me. He was just happy that somebody realized of his existence.
So the message here is - we are all connected! It’s a Circle of Life! Trust me, if I had the ability to read other people’s minds, nobody in this whole fucking world would have been sad. I would say to them what they want me to say, I would do what they want me to do, in the permissible limit that is. If God gave me an option to ask him something he wouldn’t deny, I would say – please make me a better man!
God has not given me the ability to talk great, but I sure can pen it down. I'm no philosophical or inspirational or motivational dick, I just provide you a different perspective on life. It’s just that I do a ”self-check” from time to time to see how I'm doing in life and as a result I come up with my own fundamentals. I write because of my love for it and most importantly to show off how great I really am. You see, all the so called "motivational writers" wrote all those books only after they made it big in life. But who is addressing the "making-in" part? Enter Kush Zaveri. That’s where I come in; I’ll do that for you! Believe me, I’m not some NRI loser who cries foul over some other old loser selling his Ferrari. This is no "Secret" shit either; I wonder how high that bitch would have been when she came up that "Universe" bullshit. All that these guys ask us to do is think positive. Before I attained nirvana and became The Greatest Man Alive, I tried doing that, I thought all positive thoughts about every situation, and everytime to my disguise, the exact opposite happened. So that's when I decided, let's cut the crap, screw the gurus and write my own stuff.
So, anyway, coming to the subject; my boss always says “See the Big Picture”. I guess this is the most overused and over exploited statement in the corporate world today. Mostly used by a boss when he has no clue what he is talking about. So what is this big picture, anyway? Ever heard of Circle of Life? Watch the Discovery Channel, they show it all the time. I guess we Humans have forgotten this very fact of our existence. I’ll come to the reference of the Circle of Life part a little later. Let me first define The Big Picture for you; the big picture according to me is being happy in life. Every fucking soul on the face of this earth wants to be happy. We struggle everyday at whatever we do, but for what? To earn a better living, buy a house, buy a new car, to buy that expensive watch from that big ass mall? I’m sure these things make us happy, I’m Human too, but believe me, it’s all temporary. It takes no time for all these to become old, and make us unhappy all over again.
I know you’ll argue with me on this saying that the world wouldn’t have developed if it wasn’t for the urge of Humans to poses fancy things. My anwser to you on this is -I leave it up to you to decide!
The movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ gave us a very true message - maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. But deep down inside, the other part of me, tells me that to be happy, you have to spread happiness. It’s always give and take. It’s Karma – what goes around, comes around. But how do we do that with our ego, insecurities and selfishness coming in the way? It’s not rocket science, a simple thank you or a word of kindness sometimes does the job. Just the other day at office sitting in a conference room, in middle of a meeting, this guy comes in with the tea and I could sense the nervousness on his face. When he was finished, I smiled and said “Thank you” and then the entire expression on his face changed, he smiled back at me. He was just happy that somebody realized of his existence.
So the message here is - we are all connected! It’s a Circle of Life! Trust me, if I had the ability to read other people’s minds, nobody in this whole fucking world would have been sad. I would say to them what they want me to say, I would do what they want me to do, in the permissible limit that is. If God gave me an option to ask him something he wouldn’t deny, I would say – please make me a better man!
Prayer
@God: Hey! How is it going up there big guy? Are you on vacation or something? Or its just that you dont come online at all? Wherever you are, your attention is needed down here. Anyway, Ive left you around 1 Billion offline messages, pls do the needful. Amen!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Multibagger Recommendation
This is what a blogger in me could come up with after spending countless hours of playing Poker on Facebook.
Research by: Zygna Stock Brokers
Call: Buy
Company: WTF Pokery Ltd
CMP: $5
Target Price: $20000000000000
Promoter: The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri
We recommend this stock as a Multibagger for the sole reason of the sheer greatness of the promoter of this company.
Here is the transcript of the interview with the Greatest Man Alive and Chairman & Managing Director (CMD) of WTF Pokery Ltd.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, is it true that you brought this company from a mere $300 to $265K conglomerate?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Yes, it is absolutely true. A lot of time, energy, late-nights and alcohol have gone into the making of this company.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, pls tell us what is your plan for the company in next coming weeks and quarters.
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: We have revised our WoW revenue guidance to $1M and we expect to achieve a front line growth of 300%. We are also targeting the niche segment of $500/$1000 tables. We are thriving towards becoming a $1 Billion company by quarter ending in June.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, considering the nature of this business, how do you plan to overcome the uncertainties and what are your plans for capturing the $500/$1000 tables market?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Basically, we are a $50/$100 table company and we will have our focus in that area for the next few coming quarters. The growth leading us to 1 Billion dollar mark would be inorganic, and we are planning to raise $100M from friends and hope to make a killing in $500/$1000 market. Even if we lose all that money, it is not going to affect the balance sheet of the company. And should the company make loss, we ask our investors to read the name of the company to get better understanding of way we work.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, what is your message to your investors?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Give me all your money, make me rich and see how I become Greatest Man Alive to Greatest Man Ever Lived. Well, there is no doubt about my greatness but I want to become even richer than I currently am. And that would happen only if you losers give me all your money.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Is it true that you have been awarded ‘The Greatest Man Alive’ award?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Yes, it’s true.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, tell us about your love life.
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Go home honey, I’m done with the interview.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, one last question. What does WTF signify in the name of the company?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: What The Fuck, you ignorant bitch!
Research by: Zygna Stock Brokers
Call: Buy
Company: WTF Pokery Ltd
CMP: $5
Target Price: $20000000000000
Promoter: The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri
We recommend this stock as a Multibagger for the sole reason of the sheer greatness of the promoter of this company.
Here is the transcript of the interview with the Greatest Man Alive and Chairman & Managing Director (CMD) of WTF Pokery Ltd.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, is it true that you brought this company from a mere $300 to $265K conglomerate?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Yes, it is absolutely true. A lot of time, energy, late-nights and alcohol have gone into the making of this company.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, pls tell us what is your plan for the company in next coming weeks and quarters.
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: We have revised our WoW revenue guidance to $1M and we expect to achieve a front line growth of 300%. We are also targeting the niche segment of $500/$1000 tables. We are thriving towards becoming a $1 Billion company by quarter ending in June.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, considering the nature of this business, how do you plan to overcome the uncertainties and what are your plans for capturing the $500/$1000 tables market?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Basically, we are a $50/$100 table company and we will have our focus in that area for the next few coming quarters. The growth leading us to 1 Billion dollar mark would be inorganic, and we are planning to raise $100M from friends and hope to make a killing in $500/$1000 market. Even if we lose all that money, it is not going to affect the balance sheet of the company. And should the company make loss, we ask our investors to read the name of the company to get better understanding of way we work.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, what is your message to your investors?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Give me all your money, make me rich and see how I become Greatest Man Alive to Greatest Man Ever Lived. Well, there is no doubt about my greatness but I want to become even richer than I currently am. And that would happen only if you losers give me all your money.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Is it true that you have been awarded ‘The Greatest Man Alive’ award?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Yes, it’s true.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, tell us about your love life.
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: Go home honey, I’m done with the interview.
Q) Hot Babe from Zygna Stock Brokers: Your Highness, one last question. What does WTF signify in the name of the company?
A) The Greatest Man Alive, His Highness Kush Zaveri: What The Fuck, you ignorant bitch!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Poker maniac
I guess I'm on verge of becoming a Poker maniac. Somehow I felt like a winner while pulling the lever to 'flush' this morning! I said I'm on verge becuase I still relate to words like Straight, One Pair, Two Pairs and Three-of-the-kind with something else... ;-)
Screw up
My stars are perfectly aligned right now, I can send Nuts and Bolts run for their money and actually beat them at what they do the best!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Life simplified!
It’s Sunday morning and I’m completely useless, so I decide to throw some life gyan at you. I know it’s all said by someone already, but this is my version. Like how Baz Luhrmann says “…it’s all from my meandering experience”. Don’t mind my language; I guess we are all grownups here. Here it goes:
The day I stared off on my own I knew that if it’s going to be it’s up to me. And I guess I’ve come a long way from there. Believe me, it’s not a fucking fairly tale. You have to fight every day, for anything and everything. You have to fight even with your own self for what you believe in. You have to fight just to keep your dreams alive.
Every day you have to deal with one asshole, or more. I say one asshole at a time, please. The reason God created assholes is that he wants you to excel at people management skills. Trust me on this one. But my advice to you all, don’t become one.
Every morning you wake up with a new dream and hope things would get only get better. You take a look back at your life, and you think “Man! Those were the best days”. Does it mean it is getting only worse? I don’t know the answer. But I know this, this one word ‘Hope’ which keeps everyone going (or atleast it helps getting me sleep at night). At every stage of life you set a goal, you achieve it and you move on to the next. Don’t worry if you can’t achieve it, there is always a reason behind it.
It’s good to know your weaknesses, but don’t take it very seriously, it will kill you when you realize you can’t do anything about it.
Don’t worry about the things you don’t have, even if you had all those, you wouldn’t have realized its worth. Just the way you don’t realize what you have right now. Don’t think too much. Nobody gives a flying fuck about you anyway; they are all busy worrying for themselves. Remember, you are not alone, more or less, in one way or the other; everybody is as screwed up as you are.
But between all this bullshit have we forgotten the true meaning of life? Answer is yes, that’s how life is – deal with it! Your problems, worries and fuckups are going to die with you.
The day I stared off on my own I knew that if it’s going to be it’s up to me. And I guess I’ve come a long way from there. Believe me, it’s not a fucking fairly tale. You have to fight every day, for anything and everything. You have to fight even with your own self for what you believe in. You have to fight just to keep your dreams alive.
Every day you have to deal with one asshole, or more. I say one asshole at a time, please. The reason God created assholes is that he wants you to excel at people management skills. Trust me on this one. But my advice to you all, don’t become one.
Every morning you wake up with a new dream and hope things would get only get better. You take a look back at your life, and you think “Man! Those were the best days”. Does it mean it is getting only worse? I don’t know the answer. But I know this, this one word ‘Hope’ which keeps everyone going (or atleast it helps getting me sleep at night). At every stage of life you set a goal, you achieve it and you move on to the next. Don’t worry if you can’t achieve it, there is always a reason behind it.
It’s good to know your weaknesses, but don’t take it very seriously, it will kill you when you realize you can’t do anything about it.
Don’t worry about the things you don’t have, even if you had all those, you wouldn’t have realized its worth. Just the way you don’t realize what you have right now. Don’t think too much. Nobody gives a flying fuck about you anyway; they are all busy worrying for themselves. Remember, you are not alone, more or less, in one way or the other; everybody is as screwed up as you are.
But between all this bullshit have we forgotten the true meaning of life? Answer is yes, that’s how life is – deal with it! Your problems, worries and fuckups are going to die with you.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
A brand new day!
Rise and shine sleepy heads! A brand new day again! A brand new day of prayers, hopes and dreams. A brand new day of problems, worries and more problems. Of BGP and MPLS, OSPF and VPN, spreadsheets and documentation, and endless number of meetings. Of approvals and disapproval, recommendations and escalation, praise and criticism, proposals and rejection. Of laughs, sarcasm and hypocrisy. Of Idli and dosa, andhara meals and kerala meals. Long bus rides and traffic. Rise in inflation, stock market ups and downs, good budget bad budget, hair fall and calories, Cricket and Hockey, Blogger and Facebook.
The list is long and possibilities unlimited..and moreover its just another day!
But I'll survive....I'm Kush Zaveri and I'm a fighter!
Yes.. Eye of a tiger people!
The list is long and possibilities unlimited..and moreover its just another day!
But I'll survive....I'm Kush Zaveri and I'm a fighter!
Yes.. Eye of a tiger people!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Happy Holi!
Unfortunately in this part of the world, a festival means going to a temple and disturbing God, Holi is one such example and Dhuleti is mostly spent in office solving other people's problems that has nothing to do with you. Anyway, to other privileged people - Wish u a Happy and rocking Holi! Go easy on the alcohol..
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